Raindrops – from “The Ego Lab – A Spiritual Exploration”

I walk between the rain drops ya see
Me, an undeserved
I cannot explain how
But I’m soaking wet on the other side,
still grasping for life here
For signs of it at least
And in these moments, I do suspect
I’m earning more from above, below, and in between
But I’m weighed down by the cost in my head
I’m having trouble differentiating between these worlds ya see
And rightfully so
So much at stake now
For crying out-loud,
I saw Judas chasing Jesus for forgiveness

I’ve walked between these rain drops ya see
You tried it?
I haven’t.
Call it what you want,
Happenstance, serendipity, destiny, whatever.
And I nearly missed it while it happened
I can barely write about it
The emotion captivates me so
Hands struggle to keep pace with my heart
I rarely ask for anything
And when the time came
I fell blank…dull
What is it that I really want?
Oh, how my gut is twisted, chasing so many dreams
When can I say, “this is the dream I want”?

I’ve walked between raindrops before
I keep that close to my chest ya see
And in these moments, I must confess
How I’ve witnessed…
My hope, undressed by fear
My fear, manifested before me
My anger and rage, numbed through these vices
My clarity, wrestling with this doubt
And that doubt, washed away by this Grace
These fleeting moments can be so hard to bare I tell you

To walk through raindrops
So much remains unanswered…
Did I have the courage to see it through?
Did I have the strength to carry on?
Did I sacrifice along the way?
On the other side, am I whole?