“In the city, always a shadow, in the country, always a sound, in the desert…man, you don’t want to go to the desert” from “My Amends”

Just another visit.
But this time,
you came crashing through me.

Deep in my mind, there is this adherence.
A quantifiable and irresistible sense of resistance.
I thought we were just being present.
But this time, I’m unable to shake the angst.

I’ve done the work.
I’m doing the work.
Did I push too far?
Did I ask too many questions?
Did I question the authority?
I never meant to disrespect.
There’s just no manual for this journey I’m on.
Peace, love and understanding is all I seek.

I do what I can, I do what I do, I try to be the better man.
And I’m so capable indeed.
Inches away on all sides.
And in these moments of unfounded fear, it’s silly to toss aside the gains we’ve made.
In exchange for what?
A temporary fix?
What a tricky mechanism this mind of ours is.

Can’t say I haven’t learned a thing or two though.
But I’m a caveman still, a starving beast, and this hunger has its teeth in me.
Naked and ravenous,
I’ll journey into the desert again,
canteen and knife in hand.
I’m comfortable here,
because this is where I lay my head.