The Give and Take – from “Zen & My Friends”

An endless winter, upon me now.
A road to nowhere, ahead of me.
Hope, man’s only weapon.
Faith, the method in which way we manifest that hope.
I guess we all become what we deserve.
Lovely as you are.

That’s what my friends keep telling me.
Then why do I continue tempting fate?
It’s so hard keeping up with you.
This ever-changing audience and all.
My intuition, it’s barely valuable up here,
only shreds of understanding throughout this.

Having now starred into the void, and having had the time to settle back into my skin, I’m still scared.
God, please give me access to the strength I know I possess so that I can do the necessary work.
Tell me I’m not worthy, tell me it’s too late.
Tell me I’m not the one, I am gracious in defeat.
But I won’t give up, it’s not in my nature, I don’t know how.
That gift, I will be forever grateful for.

Last night, I dreamed I was a cartoon character.
I awoke trying to determine, if I was the lines, or the spaces in between them.
I then decided to color inside the lines, that I suspect I live between.

I’ve always been a good runner.
You sought to chase that from me to.
From the beginning, I noticed you there.
Took all these years though, to call you a friend,
to call on you my friend;
why can’t we all be friends?

This battle, hasn’t it lasted long enough?
It’s getting hard to remember how things used to be, just a short time ago.
We played like children in the yard.
You, watching me from a distance.
Me, acting indifferent.
Water under the bridge I suppose, not sure there’s time to reminisce.

Picking up on the chatter lately.
Slipping minds, like skipping stones, across this waters glass, setting tones.
An endless set of circumstances upon us all now.
Went to visit and old friend tonight.
Was glad to see he still carries the sword.
I went to cut that edge off, but the tax was too high.

I guess for now, I’ll take my place of peace among the others.
The alternative cannot be controlled.
This energy, once again, has come, to show me, that it’s okay, to be you.
What’s that worth these days?
I can barely do the math.

I’m fighting for my life these days.
Those around me know.
Gotten to know my team lately.
And they’re doing the best they can, to keep you both at bay.

Two loaded guns at my hands and a killer by my feet.
And one after another of these historical beasts come into the fold, pointing me on my way.
Taking shape in this life’s infinite web of mind.
Interwoven opportunities that tell our story.
My mind and heart wrestle, and with such limited time I ask for grace, health, and peace of mind for my family, friends, and me.

This endless game of power.
Selling ourselves, casting our shadows.
The chosen one speaks, out in front of us all.
Fear not, I’m no lamb, too many before me have tasted that forbidden fruit,
only to crawl back with broken wings.
Is there a full moon tonight, because I’m howling!

How, after all these years, did I just learn how to listen?
The look in your eyes, starring me down.
Loose lips sink ships.
Death ripped, tight grip, on me now, all this time.
Taken so many faces over the years.
And now, as a middle-aged man, you burn even brighter on and through me.

Yes, I’m alive,
but all around me are reminders of the tax I’ve paid to be here.
The voices in my head,
this pulsating in my head.
I’m sure they’re coming for me any minute now…
how to make this all add up?

Bet you’re starting your clock already though.
Wondering just how long it will be, before I break.
Jeremy’s black corduroy couldn’t strip this truth from me.
Saw a passage way through though.
The vanishing outsider, the stranger, the unrequited love;
I cannot keep this pace for long.

My friends, they came through today, and what a glimpse they gave me.
A tedious show abounds us, recklessness at its essence, no doubt.
And we’ve come so far already, to get here and determine what?
That we’re not alone, that there is a higher power…
That we’re not in control…
That we’re running out of ideas…

What could have been, what should have been, you’re never gone.
Before me, by my side, all this time, and at this time.
I need a place to call home.
Meet me halfway, and I promise,
that I’ll be brave, and write it down,
in the space between the lines.

They’re all around me now.
Measuring me.
They’ve served me well up ’til now.
They scream loud now, that they’re no angels.
Guiding me through this fragile game.
“Breath easily now son, it’s who we are now son, I give you these things, my not yet born son”.

My latest Grace, this back lit rumble down.
Gratitude at my core, for this peace of mind.
The time and place for preparedness is upon us all now.
I wear my garments, so I’m down to go, where I’m led, I suppose.
I’ll do my best, to make you proud.
I’ll trust these healing hands to find my way home from here.

What will be choosing sides get me anyway?
Yeah, we’ve been fighting lately, but playing really.
Just a speck on this cosmic landscape I thought, nothing personal.
I’m surfing these edges again, engineering this introspection.
The beautiful lies, born out of the darkness.
At peace, even when we talk at the speed of light.

Clear now, that there’s no easy way out of this.
Strangers visit when we’re playing with our angels.
Some heartfelt thanks, as the tears rush down my face.
For the worthy lessons learned through all this suffering.
Blowing off steam, smoke in my lungs, this cold in my mouth.
Brought forth this undying dilemma for me to solve.

Not my battle perhaps.
Hate to think you go to bed alone at all my love.
Buried so many answers, within me, for us my love.
Between the realms, that we call home.
And there are truths, hidden among us, in plain sight, for some millennia.
Red faced, a hearts race, once again, here I am.

These little monsters, within us, they want to be in charge.
If only we had the courage to set things straight.
Overmind, casting its shadow on me again.
Forward flowing, causal being, against the backward flowing effect, throwing its shadow upon us all.
Hierarchical, temporal, the density of facts.
Life, it only lasts a moment, as the monkey goes to Godhead.

A necessary cycle,
the alchemists text,
a guiding light.
Intellectuals trapped in this supposed space.
Cognitive activity, navigating through this realm of triviality with intention.

Level, revel, and repeat.

A shaman’s birth,
the catalyst,
a peripheral poet,
the monkey and the angel.